Friday, July 27, 2007

Some People Just like to Suffer

Do you have friends that ask you for help regarding situations in their lives and then don't take your advice? I think I must have a sign somewhere on me. Others always come ask me for ways to resolve whatever predicament they are in and then continue to wallow in misery without ever taking the measures necessary to remedy the situation. Why do they do that? I have very little patience for stupidity. Ignorance is one thing (lack of knowledge) but stupidity, to me, is intolerable.

A friend I had several years ago was physically, brutally abused by her husband. She came to me for help. I had seen the bruises that she had unsuccessfully tried to hide with makeup. Since she wasn't a close friend I didn't want to overstep any boundaries. A few weeks into our friendship she decided to tell me what was going on. Needless to say, I was livid. I gave her some information and told her my door was open to her any time of the day or night. She was a tiny little thing and her husband was a devout bodybuilder. This man had raped her in front of their 4 year old son. It got to the point one day where he threw her against the window and she fell through it. She then came to my house and stayed for a few days. She was terrified of this man. He came looking for her and I told him in no uncertain terms what would happen should he decide to do something foolish.

She went through counseling and got help only to go back to that beast of a husband. She was a beautiful woman. I found out later that she was getting abused by the 4 year old after she went back to the husband. The child would kick her and bite her if he didn't get his way. Children learn by example and the father of that child left a lot to be desired. I despised what he did to her. I had done all I could and ultimately the decision to return to that life was hers. I don't know what happened to her but I often think of her. After all the things she went through and after all the help that was given her, why did she continue to suffer like that? She had a choice. She made the wrong one.

Another friend is abused by her live-in boyfriend. They fight constantly and it gets physical at times. She has a child by a previous relationship that tells everyone and anyone that will listen about the fights. When she has asked me for help, I have given it to her. Financial, emotional and I've talked to her about her options. She chooses to stay in that relationship, I believe, because of low self-esteem. I've pointed out to her that her child is in essence being abused. She chooses to have a man in her life over hers and her own child's well-being, physical and otherwise. The help is there for her. She is another one that chooses to live like that.

Why are these women so desperate to have a man living with them that it matters not that the very person that is there to love and protect them is the one that is causing the greatest harm? They aren't ignorant, the knowledge and the way out is there, I guess they are stupid. It's a harsh word and I know I don't like to use it to label anyone. These people, the ones that I've dealt with, have earned it.

Do they enjoy suffering like that? Why do they subject their children to this type of emotional and sometimes physical abuse? Those children did not ask to be put in that position. Isn't it selfish of these women to allow this to happen to their children? I believe it is called child abuse. Should I take the first step and turn them in to child protective services? Will the children be better off or will they end up dead at the hands of their foster parents, as we often see on the news? What would you do?

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