Monday, March 31, 2008

My friend's daughter has cancer

I have a friend from church that I've known for years. She asked me if we could meet sometime during the week so we could talk. She works as a nanny for a lady with two children. She works all week and is busy doing household chores on the weekends. I know she's going through a rough time with her daughter being recently diagnosed with lung cancer and all. First I was heartbroken because I couldn't believe that her daughter, only 26 years old, had this horribly dreadful disease. I totally understood that she wanted someone to talk to so I agreed.

We agreed on a day and I called her, just as she told me, to check and see if she was ready to meet. Since she told me that she would be working when I called, to leave a message and she'd call me back. I waited until 8 pm and after hearing nothing from her I decided to just get in the shower and prepare for settling down for the night.

Sunday, she was not in church but her daughter was as was my friend's husband. I asked him where his wife was and he just said that she had to work. I saw the daughter wearing one of those head wraps and my heart went out to her. My friend had previously told me that she had had to cut all her hair off to donate since it was beginning to fall out anyway due to the chemotherapy.

This friend has left me in situations before where it has financially put me in a bind in the past. More than once. It got to the point where I just refused to deal with her anymore. She promises things that she never delivers. I was hurt by this woman several years ago when she had me order some rather pricey cosmetics for her; I did. She never paid for them. She kept telling me she would pay me, to hold on to them and after the return by date expired, she said she didn't want them anymore. That's when I avoided her at all costs after that incident. She apologized and I accepted her apology and I was lead in another direction in my life. I let it go.

Fast forward 4 years and I'm back at this church and find myself being polite to her as always. She confides in me about her personal life. I pray for her. My heart breaks when I find out her daughter is sick with the most vicious disease that is cancer. I cannot fathom the pain/turmoil she is suffering.

She stated to me that she would love to have a good Christian friend she can count on. Says she has no friends. I told her I understood. She tells me she wants to meet once a week to go walking. She never called me. I let it go. I figure she's busy. She has her own problems to deal with. I understand.

What totally blows me away is that this woman is in need, she asked me for help. She has no friends. Her daughter is very sick and could possibly die from this. Why would she treat my friendship as if it is worthless? I have many other friends that need me. Many that I pray for and try to help out when I can. I put my friends above everything else. If someone needs me I'm there.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I really don't want to be rude but I cannot afford to waste my time with someone that can't even give me the courtesy of a phone call to excuse themselves for leaving me hanging like this.

Why am I such a sucker? Do people think I'm stupid to do that to me? Should I turn the other cheek as I've done before? I only have two cheeks, dadgumit!! This is so unfair to me. I'll continue to pray for her and her daughter.

I don't pray for healing. Is that cruel? Maybe. The way I see it is we are given different situations to deal with in life that aren't always easy. God never promised us it would be. My husband told me that we need to pray for her to get better. I told him I would pray for her health to be whatever God's will be. I told him if it is our time to go, nothing we say or do will change that. We must pray that God's will be done because our will is not perfect, His is.

Would I pray for the same thing if it were my child? Absolutely! Children are a gift from God and someday all of God's children must return from where they came. I pray that my friend be given the strength that she needs to deal with whatever God's will may be. Her daughter, my friend told me, has said she is ready to go home to be with the Lord. That she is ready if that's what God wants. She is a strong, faithful young lady.

If she's ready to go and has accepted whatever the Lord's will is then we must also be ready for whatever the future holds for her. God doesn't make mistakes. We do, on a daily basis. Remember, let's not pray for what we want or what we think we want and/or need. Let us pray for God's will be done in our lives. Only then will we be in line with what God's perfect will is for us. Nobody knows the whys of life. Someday, however, we'll know why we were dealt the hand we were.

1 comment:

N Dyess said...

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I know the sting of unbalanced friendships - when you seem to care and give more than the other person does. I think that is one of the whys of life. I know it is often hard for us to pray for God's will but that is what we are to do. Our prayers are not to change God's mind but to have our understanding align with His will. I pray that if it is this young woman's time to go, that God will make it restful and in her grace in passing it will be a testament to others.